Commitment
by Ki-KiGND
Summary: Maureen ponders the workings of her relationships. Some MarkMaureen mostly MoJo. Oneshot. Read and Review.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Rent, or any of the characters I mention. If I did I wouldn't be writing a _Fan Fiction_ now would I?**

**xXx**

Maureen sat back on the couch and watched Joanne as she sat in the other room talking on three different phones. She was amazed that someone could have three intellectual conversations at once but if anyone could pull it off Joanne could. Joanne could always do a lot of things that Maureen didn't think possible. Like be a very respected lawyer at such a young age. And put up with all the crazy things that she did. Maureen was proud of Joanne, and proud that Joanne chose her to be her girlfriend.

Standing up Maureen walked over to Joanne and kissed her cheek. "I'm going out baby. When you're done I'll be at the Life Café." She watched as Joanne nodded and waved her off and left the apartment. She walked down the sidewalk shoving her hands in her pockets. It was pretty warm out for being February and all. It was like this the day that she had met Joanne. Who knew that meeting someone like her could make her re-evaluate her thoughts, opinions and even life?

Of course when she had met Joanne she was still with Mark. In fact she wasn't to sure if Mark realized it but the first time that Maureen had seen Joanne she was on a date with him. She was pretty sure he didn't know that and felt it best that he didn't ever hear that. Maureen met her in the women's bathroom of some diner that had just opened, although it was already closed now, it was a pretty nice diner. Not a very romantic place to meet someone but it was just a short run it. Joanne was talking on the phone the only thing that was said was, "Excuse me." But Maureen could tell there was a slight connection for such a short meeting.

They just seemed to keep running into each other which was rather strange for a city as big as New York it must have been a sign or something. Of course Maureen didn't see it that way at the time. Because at that time in her life she was so focused on being straight, she even thought at the time she would marry Mark. Of course that was something else that it would be better if Mark never knew. But she was still afraid of commitment so she slept around. She never had a second thought about it and hardly felt bad for doing it until Mark found out. It wasn't that he ever got really angry at her. He just always seemed to pull farther away from her. That was what made her sad. She never sent out to hurt him but she wasn't _that _happy with him.

All she wanted was attention from the person she loved. Which sure Mark gave her. But she gave more of his attention to his camera. And it is sort of sad to admit that she was jealous of an inanimate object but she wasn't so fond of that camera. Although it seemed that Mark's camera gave her more attention then Mark did. Perhaps it was sort of a projecting defensive thing. Although Maureen wasn't to sure why Mark would be defensive around her.

The first real conversation Maureen had with Joanne was late in August. Joanne actually seemed pretty interested to hear what Maureen had to say about current issues going on. And it was pretty apparent she thought her amusing and interesting. Although back in those days Maureen really thought that people in real professions were the enemy with the exception of Collins of course. But the more she talked to Joanne she realized that she was similar to her in beliefs only a little more straight laced. Well that was an understatement, she was way more straight laced. Joanne and Maureen had been butting heads ever since they met. Both were stubborn, strong willed, and even if they agreed on something they didn't agree in the same way.

Perhaps it was what attracted Maureen to her. Mark never argued with her. He was always a lot more easy going and wanted to do whatever would please Maureen. Which was sweet, but not what Maureen wanted. She wanted someone who would stand their ground and tell her she was wrong when she was. Mark never did that. She always felt there was a since of impending doom in their relationship. Something wasn't right. She never could put her finger on it until she met Joanne.

It was nothing against Mark. In fact she loved that man more then she ever thought was possible. But it was in a different way. Perhaps it was just that she felt comfort with him. He had always been there for her no matter what. No matter how much she pushed him away or how mean she was to him. Maybe she always forced herself to think that she was _in love _with Mark when she really never was. But after meeting Joanne she knew that, that wasn't what she really felt.

Their breakup didn't go as well as she hoped. She thought that if she told Mark that she was a lesbian and just couldn't love him the way that he wanted her to it would soften the blow. But apparently she was wrong. Of course with friends like theirs she should have seen all the jokes coming, it just wasn't what she had in mind. Sure now they were on very friendly terms and Mark and Joanne even seemed to be pretty close as well. But she still felt bad for hurting him. It wasn't what she wanted to do. But she wasn't truly happy with Mark. He knew. He had to have known.

At first with Joanne things were as rocky as ever. The arguments that Maureen seemed to have loved at the beginning just kept getting worse and worse. And the true commitment kept getting closer and closer. So Maureen did what she always did and pushed it away. She was still scared. In fact she had never been more afraid of anything in her life. So she did what she always did and tried to escape it by sleeping around. But this was different then it was before. She actually felt bad while she was doing it. And eventually the guilt overwhelmed her. The break ups happened all the time and she didn't ever see a future for either of them.

Not until something horrible happened. Angel died. Maureen saw what it did to Collins, Her great friend who she had always related to. That was what scared her more then commitment. Perhaps she was being selfish. No, she defiantly was being selfish. She loved Joanne. She knew that. And she wanted Joanne to know it. And since that day Maureen had swore to herself that she would never let anything get between her and the woman she loved.

Maureen never knew that there was something worth changing for. But if there was, that thing was defiantly that lawyer back at the apartment she fell in love with, Joanne. She smiled to herself and took a drink of her beer looking around the Life café at all the couples that seemed to be more obvious to her as of late. People really didn't know how lucky they were if they had someone to care about and someone who cared about them. She never realized how lucky she was. Maybe if she had she wouldn't have missed out on so many good times. Of course there were so many more times ahead and she just couldn't wait to have them.

Laughing to herself Maureen stood up and jumped up on the table. "Everyone! Excuse me! Yeah, hi sorry." She waved at everyone in the Café, "I just wanted everyone to know that on this wonderful month, that is so known for it's love, that I finally understand it! It's not pointless! I love Joanne Jefferson!" She bowed and hopped off the table to applause and turned around almost running into the woman she had just mentioned. "Hi baby."

"Hi..." Joanne said and Maureen watched the confused and amused look float across her face and grinned. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." Maureen said, "Beer?"

"Sure."

They both sat down and Maureen grinned to herself finally happy.

**xXx**

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